Love is a Verb

Title: All About Love

Author: bell hooks

Genre: nonfiction essays feminism gender psychology

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Bell Hooks’ All About Love is a thought-provoking examination of love; not as a fluffy emotion, but as a transformative, active force that shapes how we live, relate, and grow. This book is about the different aspects of love: romantic, familial, platonic, self-love, and even love as a spiritual and ethical practice.

What resonated most with me was the fresh definition of love. We often speak of love as a noun; something we fall into or feel. But hooks invites us to see love as a verb, an ongoing act of will and intention. She draws from M. Scott Peck’s definition in The Road Less Traveled, stating that love is “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” This made me reflect on whether my actions truly align with that purpose, especially in close relationships.

Love is as the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. -The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck’s

I also appreciated how Hooks breaks down love into essential ingredients: care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, and honest, open communication. As these characteristics as the foundation of real love anything outside of this makes me question if it’s really love. 

This book challenged me in ways I didn’t expect. One area that especially gave me pause was her critique of physical punishment in parent-child relationships. In Black culture, it’s common to hear that beatings or whoopings are a form of love—meant to protect or teach. But hooks names this plainly as abuse, and argues that love and abuse cannot coexist. 

Another standout theme was the importance of valuing friendships with the same intentionality we often have for romantic partners. That reminder alone could reshape how we nurture our support systems.

Finally, hooks calls out how our society often treats love as weakness—especially in men, especially when money, power, or ego are involved. She examines how gender roles and capitalism distort our capacity to love, and how reclaiming love is a radical, necessary act.

This is a book I know I’ll return to again and again. It’s not just a book to read, it’s one to reflect on. Each time, I expect it will challenge how I give and receive love and how I show up for myself and others.

- Maya & The Spine Down